A tale told by an idiot,
full of sound and fury,
signifying nothing...
The great Mirko was lollygagging around some shitty little village... ugh. Unfortunately, the whole region is apparently being overrun with vampires!
The normally-moronic peasants were bright enough to realize they needed urgent help from exactly the kind of hero that is... Major Mirko Jakov!
Mirko rallied the terrified peasants, and ordered a heroic balls-to-the-walls attack on one of the vampire nests, a local barn!
Well, it turns out that the locals had been tricked into believing it was a vampire nest... because they were too dumb to know the difference between a vampire and a ghost.
Mirko rallied the terrified peasants, and ordered a heroic balls-to-the-walls attack on one of the vampire nests, a local barn!
Well, it turns out that the locals had been tricked into believing it was a vampire nest... because they were too dumb to know the difference between a vampire and a ghost.
Turns out, the barn is haunted, not vampire-ridden. Lucky thing, too... a poor foodless freaky-looking guy was almost burned alive as a result of these stupid peasants! Sheesh.
Anyhoo, after we got everything straightened out, some ugly chick arrived with a young girl in tow, spouting something about vampire attacks on a local farmstead.
Heroically dashing off to get to the bottom of this, Mirko was horrified to find out that an entire family had been annihilated by (probably) undead soldiers!
Using the skills he developed in the military as an expert army scout, Mirko was able to find the tracks of these evil bastards! The chase was on!
Anyhoo, after we got everything straightened out, some ugly chick arrived with a young girl in tow, spouting something about vampire attacks on a local farmstead.
Heroically dashing off to get to the bottom of this, Mirko was horrified to find out that an entire family had been annihilated by (probably) undead soldiers!
Using the skills he developed in the military as an expert army scout, Mirko was able to find the tracks of these evil bastards! The chase was on!
He followed them to a hovel in the middle of the swamp, where he battled them to the death! Only one survived, at the Major's not-so-tender mercy!
Mirko then mounted the villains' liberated horses, and dragged the surviving miscreant back through the swamp towards the shitty village (for justice!).
But now, we have come upon another vampire-attack victim lying in the swamp! Investigation ensues...
...
Oh yeah, and the freak and the ugly chick are still around somewhere.
Mirko then mounted the villains' liberated horses, and dragged the surviving miscreant back through the swamp towards the shitty village (for justice!).
But now, we have come upon another vampire-attack victim lying in the swamp! Investigation ensues...
...
Oh yeah, and the freak and the ugly chick are still around somewhere.
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